


I Could Never Forget You

by gaydemonium



Category: Mortal Instruments, Shadowhunters
Genre: M/M, Malec, Malec Angst, literally broke my heart to write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-08-13 11:31:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7975306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaydemonium/pseuds/gaydemonium
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec starts to show signs of memory loss and Magnus tries to spend as much time with him before his memory fully fades</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Could Never Forget You

I remember the first day Alec began to show signs of Alzheimer's. He wasn't even old. He was only 38 at the time when I started noticing little things here and there. 

At first it was small things, like misplacing his stele or forgetting where he put his jacket. I was fine with this. Anyone could've made these mistakes. But when he started doing things on a daily basis, that's when I began to worried. He used to bring home the same groceries everyday and forget that he'd already gotten them the day before. He'd wake up from a nap sounding completely lost and confused as to where he was. At one point he even forgot who I was. 

Mundane doctors couldn't be trusted. Of course Alec looked normal but once they got their hands on his blood, they knew something would be off. He was part angel. Naturally that was going to raise some questions and more than likely they'd ship him off to some research facility where he'd be poked and prodded with needles galore. I couldn't have that. I didn't want that for him. He deserved better. 

My good friend Catarina Loss ran some tests. Being a nurse, she could identify whether or not he was starting to show signs of Alzheimer's. I trusted her with the blood samples and the tests and whatever else she needed to do. I didn't tell Alec what was really going on. I just told him there was an odd flu going around the institute and everyone was getting tested to make sure they weren't sick. He happily obliged. 

A week and a half later, Catarina got back to me, saying that Alec was showing early signs of Alzheimer's. It was rare to see it at such a young age, but she also said it was partially due to stress and trauma. It made sense. Alec slayed demons for a living. He was constantly putting his life on the line. He witnessed things that nobody should ever have to witness yet here he was. Suffering the consequences because of what he was. 

That same night his results came back, Alec had a mental breakdown. He began to scream and throw things at me, demanding to know where he was and who I am. I answered in a calm voice, saying that I was his husband and he was safe at home. Eventually, he calmed down and the recognition came back into his face. 

"What's happening to me, Magnus? What's wrong with me?" He began to sob into my shirt. 

"You'll be okay, angel. I got you. You're safe," was all I could whisper to him. What else could I say? I couldn't tell him he was losing his memory. That would break him completely. 

I took him out to dinner that night, just to keep him occupied and stimulated. One thing I could always count on Alec for was his commentary on the food that came out of the kitchen. For someone who wasn't exactly fully human, he had an amazing palate when it came to food. Just by smelling it alone, he told me all the spices they used, how much vegetables they put in, and several other things. He was remarkable. 

"They used a red wine reduction for the New York strip. Seasoned with salt and pepper. I smell garlic too but that could be in the baked potato," Alec said as he watched the waiter walk past our table with an order. "Fascinating, isn't it? Mundanes have such patience for this line of work. I'd never be able to do it."

"I think you're letting yourself fall short. I think you'd be great in this business. Especially when it comes to cooking. I've been alive for quite some time and tasted foods from all over the world and never have I ever met someone with tastebuds like yours."

Alec laughed. "Trying foods from different cultures in New York isn't the same as trying them from their home country. It's not as authentic."

I frowned. "Let's travel, Alec. Just you and I. We'll visit all the places that mankind has forgotten about. I can show you the world and everything in it."

Alec's face lit up for a split second before losing its light. I knew at that moment that I lost him. "What did I order again?"

Unable to keep talking about travelling; I answered "Cheeseburger platter. With gravy on the side."

"Ah. Now I remember. I've that here once before with....um....."

"Isabelle."

"Yes! Isabelle. She was disgusted by how fast I ate," he chuckled. "It was delicious. That much I remember."

I only knew who he was with because I'd went with them too. It was for Isabelle's birthday and she wanted to get mundane food (not that Shadowhunter food was any different. They pretty much eat the same thing) and go to the club afterwards. It was a great evening. 

Moving ahead a little bit, a few weeks after Catarina's diagnosis, Alec slowly but steadily got worse. He was beginning to forget more important things, such as which rune was which and, as much as I hate to say this, who people were. 

Jace approached us one day, talking about how he was going to make a trip into Idris with the kids and wanted us to come too. As he walked away, Alec leaned over to me and whispered "Who was that?"

My heart dropped to the floor as these words left his mouth. Never in a million years did I think that Alec would forget his own parabatai. "That was Jace. Remember? Your brother?"

Alec's brows creased as if he was thinking hard about my question. "No. I don't. I don't know a Jace."

That was the day when I decided to seek help from a higher power (by that I mean the Silent Brothers). I called upon one of their newest members, Brother Jedediah. He told me what he could do to help Alec with his disease. 

I cannot cure him completely, but I can help slow the progression Brother Jedediah said in his calm, telepathic voice. 

"Anything to help Alec. He doesn't deserve this."

Bear in mind that there may be some repercussions that may follow if I slow the progress of the disease. 

"Of course there is. There always is."

Do not be surprised if one day, the memory loss hits him all at once. It will be no different than if you lost your immortality. All of your years will catch up to you in an instant. 

There was no denying that it sounded brutal. But if this meant having a little more time to spend with the Alec I knew and loved then I was willing to do whatever it took to give him extra time. 

That night when Alec was asleep, Brother Jedediah let his staff hover over the bed, the orb at the end glowing as it came in contact with Alec's body. Once he was done, he made his way out to the hallway where I was seated and waiting impatiently for him to finish. 

It is done. As I said before, there may be consequences for preventing this natural occurrence to run its course. 

"Natural? There's nothing natural about this. My 38 year old husband is losing his memory. He's too young for something like this to happen. He's got years before old age takes over."

Brother Jedediah bowed his head. I understand. You only wish to spend as much time possible before he forgets everything about his life. Before he forgets about you. 

"Yes, keep reminding me. It doesn't hurt at all," I grumbled. "But thank you for your services, Brother. Even if it wasn't entirely permanent."

The Silent Brother was silent (hah) for a moment before speaking again. I may not have been a Silent Brother for very long, Magnus Bane, but I do not forget what it was like to love and love with all your heart. I, too, was in love once. It was both the most painful and the most beautiful experience to ever happen to me. Do not let something like this take away from the experiences you have yet to go through. Keep your head held high. Focus on what is in front of you. Not what is ahead.

"Isn't that the same thing? Focusing on what's in front of you and what's ahead?" The Silent Brother ignored me as he left me with my thoughts and worst nightmares. 

The following week was when I noticed a gradual recovery in Alec. He started to remember more and become more alert, like what he used to be. He was lively and was back at his training once again. Even our boys seemed to notice a difference in his behaviour. 

"Is he cured, dad?" Max asked me. 

"Not cure per se, but Brother Jedediah helped slow the process," I tossed Alec a seraph blade from across the room. He caught it with ease. 

"You know that's not going to last long. It's only a matter of time before it fires back on him and it affects us all," Rafael muttered. He was always the pessimistic yet logical one, whereas Max was the complete opposite. 

"Thank you, Captain Obvious. For lightening the mood and all," I smacked him on the back of the head. "That's your father you're talking about there. Would you rather have him forget who you are completely? Or would you rather spend a bit more time with him before he forgets us entirely? Your choice."

Rafael said nothing more after that. 

It was the eve of Alec's birthday when all hell broke loose. I was decorating the living room when Max yelled from his bedroom. I rushed down the hall only to see Rafael holding Alec back by the arms, a blade in his hands. 

"What the hell is going on here?!" I yelled. 

Rafael's chest was heaving. "He attacked Max. I had to stop him before he went too far."

"There's some kind of monster in the room! He has blue skin and horns! It's the devil!" Alec yelled, all the while struggling. "Let me go! I must kill it!"

I gripped Alec by the shoulders. "Alec. Honey, it's me. Magnus. That blue monster in there? That's your son, Max. He's a warlock like me. I need you to calm down and take a deep breath-"

"Who are you? Why are you pinning me to the wall? Am I being kidnapped?"

Rafael glanced at me. His look suggested "We lost him" but I refused to believe it. 

"Alec. I'm your husband, Magnus. This is your son, Rafael. Max is in his bedroom-"

"I don't have a husband. Or sons. What's going on here?" He looked down at his arms. "What are these markings on my arms?"

"Papa....you're a Shadowhunter. These are runes. They help you in battle," Rafe whispered. From behind him, I saw Max peeking his head out through the crack of the door, a scratch on his cheek. 

Alec shook his head. I remember seeing some recognition come back into his eyes but he still wasn't fully there. "Shadowhunter....I can sort of remember what that is."

"Good. That's good. Don't push yourself too hard, okay? Take your time remembering things. There's no rush," I smiled reassuringly. 

There was, however, a rush to get his birthday party in before he forgot everything completely. Brother Jedediah had said there would repercussions. I just never realized they would happen so soon and so sudden. 

Alec was sitting down in his chair chatting with Jace when I approached him with a gift. It was a photo of our little family inside a frame made from pure adamas. I'd been waiting for forever to give this to him and now seemed like the perfect time to do it. 

He looked up at me and smiled that beautiful smile. "Oh. Hello. Who are you?"

The room immediately went silent. Everyone knew that Alec had Alzheimer's, but they didn't know that I had a Silent Brother delay the effects of it. 

I closed my eyes, feeling my heart break inside my chest. "I'm Magnus. I'm here for your birthday party?"

Alec clapped his hands. "Oh! Yes, of course. Have a seat. Jace and I were just discussing-what were we discussing again?"

"My new position as Inquisitor," Jace said, forcing a smile. He was just as heartbroken as I was. It must've been hard, having a parabatai who's going to eventually forget who you are. 

"Yes. That's right. I think you're the perfect man for the job. You're bossy but you get things done."

I chuckled. Old Alec was still in there somewhere if he managed to both compliment and insult Jace at the same time. Hope was not lost. 

But it was that night after we went to bed that damn near broke me. I woke up to the sound of Alec crying beside me in bed. As I sat up and turned on the lamp, he gripped my hand with inhuman speed and squeezed it tight. 

"Magnus," he croaked. "I don't want to keep living like this. I can't."

I swallowed. "Living like what? You're dreaming, Alec-"

"I'm not dreaming! I know what's wrong with me, Magnus. Don't lie. I overheard my sister talking that redhead whose name I can't even remember yet I know that I know her." He wiped his tears before speaking again. "I'm dying, Magnus. Not physically dying but....mentally dying. My mind isn't what it used to be anymore. I'm forgetting things. I'm forgetting people."

I placed my other hand over his own. "Alec. You're fine. I'll find a cure and everything will be okay. Trust me-"

"Who's to say there isn't a cure? I'll forget who my family are. Who Max and Rafe are. Who you are," his eyes grew watery again. "I don't want to forget you, Magnus. It isn't fair to you or the boys."

I held him close to my chest and kissed his forehead. "No. This isn't fair to you. You of all people don't deserve to have this happen to you. You're a good man. But unfortunately we live in a world where bad things happen to good people."

We were both silent for a long time. There was a moment where I thought for sure that I lost him entirely but thankfully he spoke again. 

"I love you, Magnus. I want to say that now before I lose my mind completely and forget who you are."

"I know. I love you too, Alexander. Don't you ever forget that."

He looked up at me through dark lashes. "I could never forget you. Not truly."

Alec lied. He forgot where he was later that night and never had the slightest clue who I was. He looked so confused and lost that it was in that moment, I knew that I truly, completely lost him to the darkness in his mind. 

I approached him later that evening when he was sitting up in bed reading a book. He looked up at me in the doorway, a brilliant smile flashing across his face. 

"Hi there. Are you the new tenant moving in?" He asked. 

My heart sank. I had told him earlier that day that someone was moving in with him but I didn't say who. He remembered only my words but not my face. 

"Yeah. I'm Magnus. Magnus Bane. You must be Alec?"

His face creased in concentration. "I think so. Forgive me. My mind isn't as sharp as it used to be."

"No apologies necessary. I feel the same way sometimes," I chuckled as he laughed. "Lovely home you have. Seems very well furnished."

Alec pat the bed. "Yeah....I don't remember ever moving in here but yet here I am. Where are you from?"

I waved a hand. "Oh. Here and there. I travel a lot."

"Oh. That's nice. Is it your first time in Brooklyn?"

"Not at all. I lived here before. With my husband at the time."

He nodded. "Is your husband.....still here?"

That was the moment my throat closed up and I felt like I couldn't breathe. Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I whispered "No. Not anymore. He left a while back."

Alec frowned. "I'm sorry to hear that. I've never had a husband that I know of. There's no photos around to prove that I did."

That was my doing. Overnight I had taken down all the photos of Alec and the rest of the family. It just seemed easier for him to forget entirely than remember and forget. Remember and forget. A vicious cycle. 

"I'll just go unpack my things in the guest bedroom then," I motioned towards the guest bedroom. 

"Wait," Alec said. "Did you want to grab dinner later? Get to know each other a little bit? Seeing how we're going to be roommates and all?"

I bowed my head. "Of course. I'd like that a lot."

Alec beamed. "Excellent. What did you say your name was again?"

"Magnus. Magnus Bane."

Alec smiled. "Hello, Magnus. I'm Alec. Alec Lightwood."


End file.
